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Emergency dogsitting required, will be away for about 1 week. Will still keep a paper diary then publish when i get back.

Still going strong though.

Still going

Well its been a few days now, still no scales. But i have been watching what i am doing and eating.

A quick rundown on the last few days goes like this:

8th Jan,   breakfast (Porridge with a fresh juice),     lunch  (thai chicken noodle soup + a few crackers),  Dinner  (Steamed Cod with sweet potato’s, carrots, baby corn and asparagus. Followed by some fresh fruit.)

9th Jan,   breakfast (Rice crispies + coffee),    lunch (Bowl of chicken soup),   Dinner (Pork fillet curry with brown rice. This was followed by a small piece of leftover homemade Christmas pudding with splenda custard)

Today 10th Jan,   breakfast (Rice crispies + coffee),   lunch (small bowl of brown rice with egg and a carrot and ginger juice),  later for dinner i am having  a bowl of homemade roasted butternut squash soup.

Well i have started to feel better with myself, but it is hard to not picking a snack of some unhealthy sort and munching away in a state of nirvana. I never really watched anything i ate before, i just ate it. Even if i wasn’t hungry, so most of it was pretty much out of boredom. I think when i was a smoker i would have a cigarette, and when i gave that up, it was replaced by food. Thinking about it just makes me feel mad with myself. Its just one bad habit after another. I hope that when i lose the weight i don’t take up something else that will kill me. Well at least i don’t drink, that’s one down.

My partner knows about the diet as we are doing it together. We gave up smoking together and she was a tower of strength, i am lucky to be with her, she means everything to me. The only thing i haven’t done is tell her about this blog. I enjoy keeping a diary where i will post my successes and failures. One day i will tell her but for now i just want it for myself.

For a start i have to admit to cheating myself already and its only the 5th day. Yesterday i had 4 squares of chocolate. I would normally have eaten the whole bar, i felt so much shame afterwards. I never went anywhere near the amount of calories i should have, but it just felt so wrong. I have so much chocolate left over from the Christmas period. I hate waste so if i cant have it what should i do with it? suggestions please.

Now because i am writing all this down, i can see what i am eating. Like the chocolate scenario if i eat it, then it gets recorded, i am hoping this will keep shaming me into stopping and to take notice of what i am putting inside myself.

This time i took 3 days away from writing, i think that is too much, mental note to self, “Write at least every couple of days, and if something bad happens like the chocolate saga, put it in instantly.”

Thanks to sweetenedcondensed for keeping me in check.

The First Day

Well its the end of day 1. I had all day today to prepare myself for what i have decided to do. From taking the first real decision on something that will eventually and hopefully, improve my life.

I must say it has started off well. After i eventually woke from a real crap nights sleep, i got out the newly purchased juicer and made a quick glass of two apples and 2 pears. It tasted nothing like i was expecting, but was quite tasty. With a small bowl of rice crispie’s, no fat milk obviously. I wasn’t expecting to feel full of instant health, so i wasn’t disappointed. But i felt better about myself for doing it. It was the start and now i just had to keep it going for what i know is going to be a long long time. Anyway i bypassed all the snacks that i would normally have gorged myself with at midday, opting for some fruit instead. This lasted me until i had dinner with my partner and her family, where i had Salmon with mash and steamed vegetables. This appealed more to my taste and was not disappointing, congratulations to the chef. No pudding as the main course was filling enough. It was the first time i ate the crispy skin as well, it looked so delicious i couldn’t leave it. As it turned out, great choice.

Now is the evening and i resisted the urge for some chocolate as i would normally have done, instead i had five big shrimp instead. Dont know if this was a good thing, i do think its better for you than chocolate. Will have to check that tomorrow and make sure.

So that was it first day over, and i did go walking for a few miles around the city center. So food and exercise achieved for the day. Although i still have to get a set of scales and do the official first weigh in. Task for the week, purchase set of scales. I will also post a few photos, but firstly i have to build up the courage for that. One step at a time eh.

I feel better for writing this down as well, for a start i had two comments today. Both were unexpected and kind in their content and are gratefully received. I am speechless.

Thankyou again.

The Start

It is 2:35 in the morning and i cant sleep. I keep turning in the bed, aching as the bed feels like it’s made of bricks. In actual fact there is nothing wrong with the bed at all, it’s me. I am not an insomniac, just someone who is on the verge of self destruction. For the past few years i have felt pretty low, right now i think i have hit rock bottom. I have a partner who is lying asleep in our bed, totally unaware of what i am doing or how i feel right now. It’s not that we dont talk anymore, she is my best friend, my lover, the person who makes me smile. And that is why i doing this now, this is for both of us.

I am an obese man. I eat because i love food. I love to cook for myself and i love to cook for others. But what i cook and what i eat, is slowly killing me. It’s time i woke up from this self induced nightmare and began to get my life back.

I did something today that i have not done for a very long time, i looked at my reflection in the mirror for a very long time. Now i have to use the mirror to shave, do my hair and some times check my appearance isnt too bad, but this time was different. This time i looked at myself completely. I remembered how my face realy looked the last time i did this, and how it looks now. Shocked is a bit of an understatement.

Firstly i felt sad. Sad that this is something that i have done to myself. Sad because i didn’t really recognise myself. Sad because i had avoided eye contact with myself for so long. Too embarrased to make eye contact with myself, how weird is that. I remembered the times i saw my reflection and quickly looked away before i made eye contact with myself. I was avoiding me because i didn’t want to be me. 

Then i felt shocked. I carried on looking at myself and the reality just sank in. This was really me. This is how i look to others. I had spent the last few years hiding from myself, hoping the reflection was just someone else. The face looking back was a mess. That’s it i decided right then and their. I have to do something about this. I have to act immediately. That’s why i couldnt sleep, my mind was working overtime, trying to figure out what to do. And the bed of bricks didnt help either.

The first step was to get up at stupid o’clock in the morning to start this post. Get to the computer and just write about how i am feeling but more importantly what i am going to do. I realise the task ahead is massive like me. This will take a lot of time, patience, willpower, exercise and dedication. This time i will get it right.

How much do i weigh? i have no idea. The last time i weighed myself it was 22 stone. I think it is probably more than that now but only by about 1 or 2 stone. Hey whats a few stone when your this size. Thats something else i do. If i meet new people, and i notice they give me the look of “Wow you’re a fat bloke”, then i insult myself by ridiculing my weight. I thought it was a good way to make people think i wasn’t bothered by it, make them think i was that funny fat bloke. Well the truth is i am that funny fat bloke, only i dont particularly feel funny inside. I feel fat and everything that goes with feeling fat.

Thats another reason why i have started this. To get better i have to face the truth. I have to lose weight. By putting this out and letting people know what i will be going through, i am not going to hide away from it anymore. This time i am doing it publicly. I have tried so many ways before, none have worked. This time I hope to take myself seriously, so i have nothing to lose but weight.

I gave up smoking a few years ago, that was a great achievement in my life. Getting rid of one of the worst habits there is. Why i ever started i dont know. One things for sure, after i stopped the weight increase was quite substantial. If i can give up smoking then i can and will lose the weight.

It’s now 3:33 and i am getting tired, I feel better for making a start. When i wake up, i shall plan how this is going to go. If anyone reads this i would appreciate your comment. But before any of you decide to leave a comment that’s a bit negative remember this, There is nothing you can say, that will make me feel worse about myself, than the way i feel about myself right now.

goodnight.

Boeuf Bourguignon

Boeuf Bourguingnon is another of those winter warming dishes that is rich in flavour and completely satisfying. This is great when you have quite a few friends over, as it feeds between 6 to 8 people. I would serve this with boiled potatoes and greens. I also recommend you should serve with warm rolls, as the sauce is not to be wasted. Ingredients:

4 lbs Stewing Beef (shoulder) Cut into 1 inch cubes. remove as much fat and gristle as possible 6 oz bacon (smoked if you like) 4 peeled and sliced Carrots 1 chopped Onion 1 lb sliced Mushrooms 2 chopped Stalks of Celery 1 bottle red Burgundy wine 3 tablespoons of Cognac or Brandy 2 cups of Beef Bouillon (beef stock) 1ounce flour 4 tablespoons of Olive oil 1ounce butter 1 small bunch Parsley 1 sprig Thyme 2 crushed Clove’s Garlic 18 small Baby Onions (replace with shallots) Salt and Black Pepper

Firstly cut the bacon into small strips. Then simmer bacon for 10 minutes in water. Pour the lot into a seive and strain off until the water is gone and the bacon is dry.

Using a cast iron pot (or one that you can use in the oven and on a hob. Using a medium heat fry the bacon in the olive oil for a couple of minutes, until the bacon is a golden brown colour. Remove the bacon and put onto a plate leaving the oil in the pot.

Cook the beef in the bacon fat and olive oil until browned, this is best done in batches otherwise you will end up poaching the meat and i find this dries out the meat. Once done remove the batches of beef and put with the bacon.

Still using the same pot, put the onion, carrots, celery (this is the french mirepoix) and cook for 2 or 3 minutes. Remove the saucepan from the heat. Remove the fat from the saucepan but leave the sticky residue as this is a large percentage of the flavour.

Mix the butter and the flour to make a paste called a beurre maniét.

Put again the beef and bacon with the vegetables in the pan. Add salt and pepper and butter flour mix. Mix the lot for 3 or 4 minutes.

Pour in the wine, cognac and enough bouillon so that it covers the ingredients. Add small onions, garlic and herbs.

Once the sauce bubbles cover the pot and simmer on the lowest hob setting for 3 hours, I use a diffuser as this stops the bottom of the stew from burning. Boeuf Bourguignon should be cooked very slowly. The meat is done when the fork slides out easily from a beef cube. Remove from heat.

In the last twenty minutes of cooking time, saute the mushrooms in butter. Finaly add the mushrooms to the Boeuf Bourguignon. Then garnish with parsley.

Hope you enjoy this one. If any is left over you can put in a heavy duty freezer bag and freeze. Then reheat like a boil in a bag until piping hot.

Coq au Vin

Almost all fashionable foods are first the staple diet of the poor. Take oysters, only poor people were once the lucky ones who ate these. This one is no different and unbelievably this dish is was served up by the french peasants. It is by no means a cheap dish to make but i promise that this will be loved by everyone. I make this dish for my family and friends as often as i can. I serve this with warm crusty rolls and boiled potatoes.

Ingredients

A large chicken cut into 8 portions click me (save the carcass and giblets for the stock)

for the stock :-An onion a carrot and some peppercorns along with the carcass and giblets.

Put the chicken carcass in a large pot along with the giblets, a chopped carrot, chopped onion and peppercorns. Fill with water to cover chicken bones. Bring to the boil then reduce to a simmer. You can now leave this while you prepare the rest.

150g of bacon or pancetta, cut into lardons

30g of butter

2 medium onions roughly chopped

1 large carrot roughly chopped

2 pieces of celery roughly chopped

4 cloves of garlic sliced thinly

2 tablespoons of flour

2 tablespoons of cognac or brandy

1 bottle of red wine

3 bay leaves

5 sprigs of thyme

40g butter

12 peeled baby onions or peeled baby shallots

200g small button mushrooms

For this dish, it is best to use a cast iron casserole pot. Just make sure your pot can be used for both oven and hob.

Put the 30g of butter in the casserole dish over a medium heat and then put in the bacon or pancetta. Crisp the bacon until it is golden in colour but not burnt. Then take out the bacon and put on a dish to one side, leaving the fat in the pot.

Take 4 of the chicken pieces and place them in the pot, don’t move them about just let them sit for a couple of minutes. when they have gone golden in colour but not burnt then turn them over and do the same on the other side. Then remove and place with the bacon. Now cook the other 4 pieces the same way, then remove and put with the other pieces. Leave the fat in the pot.

Now take the onions, carrot, celery and cook slowly in the pot, stirring occasionally until they are tender and soft. This takes between 5 – 10 minutes. Now add the garlic, chicken and bacon. Sprinkle the flour into the pot and stir it in so there are no big lumps. Then after about a minute or so add the cognac, bottle of red wine and herbs. Pour in ladles of chicken stock until the chicken pieces are covered. Now as the pot comes to a boil, turn it to a gentle simmer. and leave for about 40 minutes.

Take the 40g of butter and in a pan cook the baby onions and small mushrooms until they are golden in colour. Then add to the rest of the recipe. Season the recipe with salt and pepper.

Test after 40 minutes, this dish can take up to 1 hour depending on the chicken. The chicken should be tender but not falling apart. When this stage is reached take out all the chicken and put to one side. Now increase the heat until the sauce is bubbling fast, this will reduce the sauce. After a few minutes the sauce will get thicker and look glossy, then add the chicken to the sauce and take to the table.

Chicken with a Maple Syrup Glaze.

Ingredients

8 pieces of Chicken (drumsticks, thighs or breast)

1 finely chopped medium Onion

1 tablespoon of Olive oil

1 dessertspoon of Lemon juice

Salt and Pepper

For the Maple Syrup Sauce

2 tablespoons of pure Maple Syrup

75 ml Red Wine

4 tablespoons of Soy Sauce

2 tablespoons of Red Wine Vinegar

1 heaped tablespoon of Tomato Puree

1 heaped teaspoon of Ground Ginger

1 heaped teaspoon of Mustard Powder

2 crushed cloves of Garlic

1 or 2 teaspoons of Tabasco Sauce (depends on how hot you like it)

55ml red wine

 

Firstly mix the olive oil and the lemon juice in a bowl and add the chicken pieces then cover with cling film. I use a large sealable freezer bag. Then put in the fridge until you need them.

Pre-heat the oven to 200°C, gas mark 6 or 400°F.

Put the chicken pieces in a roasting tray with the onions mix them all up. Season with some salt and pepper, you know how much you like. Place them on the top shelf for 25 minutes. During this time you can put all the sauce ingredients in a bowl or jug and mix it thoroughly.

When the 25 minutes are up take out the chicken and pour off any fat. Now pour the sauce over the chicken and coat each piece completely. then put back in the oven for 25 minutes (make sure you baste at least 2 times during this 25 minutes).

Take out of the oven and put on a medium heated hob and pour in the red wine. Toss them about for a minute or two. Serve with rice or roasted sweet potato wedges.

To make sweet potato wedges peel a couple of sweet potatoes and cut them lengthways into about 8 equal portions each, then brush them with any cooking oil and bake until they start to crisp all over. This can take from 25 to 35 minutes. They dont stay crisp, they soften but they are delicious.

Beef and Vegetable Stew

 INGREDIENTS:

• 1 1/2 to 2 pounds stewing beef, cut in 1/2 to 1-inch cubes
• 2 to 3 medium potatoes, cubed
• 1 medium turnip, cubed
• 1 cup sliced carrots
• 1/2 cup chopped onions
• 1/4 to 1/2 cup sliced celery
• 1/2 to 1 cup sliced mushrooms
• 1/2 cup butter beans or lima beans
• 1 can (10 1/2 ounces) condensed beef broth
• 1/4 cup red wine
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• pinch thyme
• 3 tablespoons flour blended with 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cups frozen mixed vegetables, corn, or peas, optional

PREPARATION:

This dish is so simple. Put the lot in a slow cooker, vegetables first, potatoes, turnip, carrots, onions, celery, mushrooms, butter beans, beef broth, wine, cubes of beef, salt, and pepper. Cover and cook on LOW for 9 to 12 hours, or on HIGH for 5 to 6 hours.

If you are using dried butter beans remember to soak them first, preferably overnight. Rinse them off and put them in a pan of boiling water for about 40 minutesor just follow the directions on the packet. Dont add salt as this will toughen the skins.

This can served with extra boiled or mashed potatoes, i like it with some buttered crusty bread.

Try this with different herbs or using different beans.

Meatball’s & Tomato Sauce

Ingredients For the meatballs

900g/2lb lean minced beef 

150g/5oz finely chopped onion

2 crushed clove’s garlic

2 tbsp chopped herbs ( I use chives, parsley, basil  if using dried herbs dont use as much )

1 beaten egg

salt and pepper

Olive oil 

 

Ingredients for Tomato sauce

2 x 400g/14oz cans chopped tomatoes 

110g/4oz sliced or chopped onion

1 crushed garlic clove

150g/5¼oz grated mozzarella, use any cheese you prefer.

1 tsp sugar

salt and pepper

Olive oil

 

Firstly The Meatballs

With a pan over a low heat, put 2 tablespoons of olive oil, then add the finely chopped onions and crushed garlic. Then put the lid on and let them sweat and soften for about 4 minutes. When they turn a light golden colour put them in a mixing bowl, then allow them to cool.

Once they have cooled add the lean mince, chopped herbs, beaten egg and a little salt and pepper.

Now for the good part, with clean hands, mix it all together. Divide the mixture into equal size balls. I use an old dessertspoon and usually get about 24, it doesn’t matter if you dont, just try to keep them roughly the same size. Then cover them with clingfilm and put them in the fridge for about an hour.

Now lets make the Tomato sauce

Use about 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a saucepan then put in the garlic and onions. Fry them over a low heat until they are golden and soft.

Then add the 2 tins of chopped tomatoes, sugar and season with salt and pepper. Now leave the sauce to reduce for about 20 – 30 minutes. Dont let it go dry.

 

When you are ready use about 3 tablespoons of oil in a large frying pan, and put in the meatballs. Keep turning them for about ten minutes until they have browned. Depending on how big the meatballs are will depend on how long you cook them. If you cook them for too long they will dry out.

Once cooked put them in an ovenproof dish and pour over the tomato sauce. Then cover the sauce with the mozzarella and place under the grill untill the cheese has melted.

I serve this with my favorite long spaghetti and garlic bread.

Bah Humbug

What’s happening to Christmas?

Every year its the same old story, 5 times the price for something just before the big day. Then after Christmas it’s suddenly OK to virtually give the bloody stuff away, sales everywhere. Nearly every present i bought before Christmas is now available for nearly half price. It’s a con we cannot get out of, because how can you tell children “If you wait a couple of days you can have everything you wanted, and so much more.” They just wont wear it.

For me the real idea of Christmas has been lost amongst all the consumerism. Christmas now has a price on its head. You cant just buy someone a gift they would like, you have to spend a certain amount, so that all is equal. Try telling a five year old “The reason you have a mountain of toys is because its was equal in cost to your older brothers PlayStation 3 and the 2 games that went with it.” Then see if they actually give a shit.

I love Christmas, I just think it would be better during the sales.